Akatsuki Childhoods!
by AkatsukiRedCloud
Summary: An adventure through all the Akatsuki member's childhood moments! I will be doing these in the same order I did with my 'Akatsuki Rant's' fic. Try to enjoy No flames please, even if I deserve them :/ Some of them may not be humor...Most will though :D :D
1. Deidara's Childhood!

_**Totally random. I was thinking about what the childhoods of the Akatsuki were like. I know you see flashbacks and all of some of them but it doesn't really explain a lot. So I'm going to do a bunch of one shots on the Akatsuki's childhoods! This isn't going to be a fic where you see all the Akatsuki being in Kindergarten with each other. I'm going to do them in the same order I did my 'Akatsuki Rants' fic, so here is Deidara's childhood! Well some of it anyway...I know, I suck money balls. **_

_"Come on _Deidara..." Sighed the blonde woman who was currently speaking through a small window.  
>The 6 year-old Deidara, Who was behind the window, Just crossed his arms and shook his head.<br>"Deidara, I don't get paid until Thursday! I only have enough to buy some more bread..." The woman repeated, Hoping for a better answer from her young son.  
>"Then you will just have to buy the cheap bread, Un" Deidara answered, Crossing his arms.<p>

What was going on here then? Well, This blonde woman happened to be Deidara's mother. At the moment Deidara's mother, Suki Iwa, Was locked outside her own house.  
>Not by accident though. No, This was caused by a certain someone... What kind of 'Devil' would do this to such a nice woman? Well, that 'Devil' happened to be the seemingly innocent Deidara Iwa.<p>

All over his certain lack of candy.

_**~Flash Back~ **_

"Deidara, I'm just going to the store quickly...You'll be fine alone for a few minutes, Won't you?" Suki called to her 6 year old son.  
>"...Only if you buy me candy..." Was the straight reply she got from her young son.<br>Suki sighed. This happened every time she had to go to the store.  
>"Honey, You know that I don't get paid until Thursday...I will get you some candy then..." Just as Suki was about to make her leave she was stopped by her son's voice.<br>"No, I want candy, Un! Please, I never get candy!" Deidara screamed, Startling his mother slightly.  
>"Deidara, I said no..." Suki sighed as she started leaving again, Only to be stopped by the pitter-patter sound that was coming from the stairs.<p>

"Wait!" Called the small boy, Only to be recognized as her son. Suki was about to quickly leave, but Deidara decided to suddenly 'fly' at her legs and latch onto them.

Great.

"Deidara, I don't have time for this..." Suki warned as she shook her leg, In attempt to get the 6 year-old off. Due to Deidara's death grip, she failed.  
>"Deidara, I can't get you candy right now...But if you let go, I will try my best to get you some candy tomorrow..." Suki softy spoke and waited for a response from the blonde.<br>"No...I want candy now, Un" Deidara demanded and held on tighter to his Mother's leg.  
>"Deidara, I'm losing my patience with you...I can't get you candy today" Suki crossed her arms and waited for her son to let go of her now aching leg. Just as Deidara was about to let go, Suki was sure she felt something in her pocket.<p>

Just as Suki was about to reach for her pocket, She was interrupted by her young Son's voice. "Then I 'wanna purple pony, Un!" The four year-old demanded while letting go of his Mother's leg.  
>"Deidara this is ridiculous...I'm leaving. I will be back soon with some bread..." Suki quickly left and slammed the door.<p>

That had felt bad... Suki knew what Deidara was like during a tantrum, The 6 year-old alone in the house during a tantrum would not be pretty.  
>After she had gotten back from the store, Suki put her hand around the shiny handle of the door and tried to pull it down.<p>

It wouldn't open.

Suki knitted her eyebrows together. She hadn't remembered to lock the door on her way out...

...Unless.

Suki quickly rushed towards the small window next to the front door and peered in. She looked around for a few seconds, Until she spotted her grinning Son sitting on the staircase and holding something shiny in his hand.

"What's that in your hand?" Suki yelled, Loud enough for Deidara to hear.  
>"Oh this, Un?" The 6 year-old replied, Waving the object around. "I'm not really sure...I found it in your pocket, Un..."<p>

Deidara held the shiny object towards the window to give Suki a better view. It was just what she had though it was.

Her damn keys.

"Deidara...Unlock the door right now." Suki ordered, As calmly as she could get right now, Which wasn't very.  
>"No, Un." Deidara simply replied. "All you will do is punish me!" He added.<br>Deidara was really catching on, Suki reminded herself to think of some more crafty ideas.

"You know what, Deidara? I'm not even going to bother anymore...Bye-bye" Suki smiled and waved, Then turned around to make her leave.  
>"W-what? No, You can't leave now, Un!" Deidara put his hands on the window and gasped. "S-stop, Un! You won't be able to see your adorable little boy grow up and become successful!" He screamed, Banging on the window with his little fists.<br>"Oh well, I'll just have another little boy named Deidara, I'll move to Konoha or something...I still have mon-" Suki reached into her pockets to show her Son the credit card she had in her pocket, Just for emergencies.

She couldn't find it...

"Hahaha! You fell for it, Un!" Deidara waved the small card in front of the window and started laughing even more. "When the hell did he learn how to pick-pocket so well? " Suki asked herself.

_**~Now back to the future!~**_

So now you know the story. Suki Iwa, A smart, 32 year-old woman...Pick pocketed and tricked twice by her own 6 year-old son.  
>"This will be a good story to tell him when he's older, Well, That's if he doesn't become a S-Ranked criminal in some evil organization or anything...Ha..." Suki chuckled to herself.<p>

"Deidara..." Suki closed her eyes and smirked mischievously.  
>"Un?" Came the simple reply from the 6 year-old.<br>"That was a very mischievous, Yet smart, move you made, You know?" She smiled and gave her Son a thumbs up.  
>"Really, Un?" Came the slightly excited reply from Deidara.<br>Suki smiled and lowered her hand. "Yep...Although, You should know by now that you can never out-smart the Suki Iwa...Especially when she's your own Mother!" Suki immediately started sprinting around the house and into the backyard.

She was a genius.

Deidara probably hadn't locked the back door, So all she had to do was run as fast as she could and quickly open the back door...Then scold her young son.

Suki caught a glimpse of her son running towards the lounge. The two blonde's eyes met as they glared at the back door.  
>Suki, Easily catching her son out, Dashed towards the door and quickly opened it. Deidara was in the middle of the lounge, standing there with his little mouth gaping open.<p>

"Deidara Iwa...Return my keys and credit card, right now" Suki hissed at the small quivering boy.

Deidara screamed as he threw the keys and credit card towards the floor while running as fast as he could up the stairs.  
>"Crafty devil..." Suki mumbled as she picked up her keys and card.<p>

Deidara would not be getting any candy for a while now...

_**Wow...I regret writing this now xD Oh well, I'll see if people like this chapter, And if the reviews are ok then I'll probably continue with this, Please review^^**_


	2. Sasori's Childhood!

_**At the moment I'm a very bored badger -_-' Yes...I am secretly a badger...Crack moment... Anyway!~ Here is Sasori's childhood! I'm trying to make these realistic so I can't exactly make Sasori's childhood 'fun' If you know what I mean :/ Sasori will be about 4 in this so he doesn't know that his parents are dead yet :/ Please...Try to enjoy?...Awkward...**_

_Sasori absolutely dreaded class photo day. Why exactly? He always stuck out completely in every single photo the kindergarten school took. There would always be regular children with nice natural coloured hair...And then there would be Sasori. Who literally stuck up like a sore thumb with his bright red hair. _

_Every year Sasori's class had to wait outside in the playground before they had their picture taken, To keep the students out of trouble. _

_Even though most of the children were only four, You would still see them fixing their hair in the window or even a near-by puddle._

_Sasori was jealous of their natural coloured hair. Sometimes Sasori wished he had inherited his Mother's dark brown locks...But no. Instead he inherited his Father's red hair, Which was just typical. Most adults adored Sasori's red hair. Calling it 'cute' or 'unique. Sadly, The children at the Kindergarten didn't agree. Instead they gave him mean nicknames such as 'Flame Brain' Or 'Copper Top'._

_Sasori usually ignored this. Which was pretty easy, Because most kids often just ignored him. Though when the nicknames became more common, Almost everyone bullied him._

"Ok class...Fact time!" Sasori's Kindergarten teacher, Ayane Aina cooed as she started writing on the blackboard. "Name 5 things that are affected by H2O" She smiled and wrote the task neatly on the board.

One blonde haired girl with cute pig-tails put her hand up. "Sensei! Sensei!" She called.

"Yes, Kazuko?" Miss Ayane responded, Smiling brightly at the young girl.

"What is H20?" The small girl quietly said, hoping that was what everyone else was thinking.

"H20 is water, Dear..." The teacher smiled. Kazuko quickly nodded and watched as some students put their hands up to answer the H20 question.

"Yes, Osamu" Miss Ayane pointed and smiled at a young boy with glasses.

"Clothes, Miss?" The brunette answered, Miss Ayane smiled and nodded.

"Yes! Very good Osamu. When clothes are soaked in H20, They go soggy and the colour changes for a certain period of time" Miss Ayane quickly drew an example of wet clothes on the blackboard. "Can anyone name another object that can be affected by H20?" She asked again, Scanning the small classroom.

A boy with dark brown hair smiled and put his hand up. "Ah yes, Tsuneo!" Miss Ayane pointed towards the boy. "Hair, Miss?" The boy innocently replied while quickly glancing towards Sasori.

"Well...Yes...Hair isn't classified as an object but it still works" Miss Ayane started drawing a quick example of a girl with long hair but was interrupted by the same voice.

"Miss...If hair was wet then what colour would it be?" Tsuneo smirked.

"Well...Your hair would be black if it was wet...If you had blonde hair like Kazuko then it would probably go a mousy brown or gold colour. If you had black hair it would probably stay the same and if you had light brown hair like Osamu then it would probably go dark brown" Miss Ayane smiled and continued drawing the diagram.

"But Miss...What about Sasori?...What colour would _his _hair go?" Tsuneo smirked meanly at the red-haired boy. Sasori looked sadly at the boys next to Tsuneo who were currently trying to hold in their laughter.

"Why are they laughing? It's not even funny..." Sasori thought to himself as he looked down at his pinewood desk.

"Well Sasori's hair would probably go auburn" Miss Ayane smiled as the bell rang.

"Ok class, Remember we have our class photo soon, So you may play outside until I call you back in...Remember now, No fighting..." Miss Ayane waved and opened the door for her students to play outside.

_**~On The Playground~**_

Sasori stared sadly at his reflection in a puddle. He hated his red hair. "I wonder if Daddy ever got bullied about his red hair..." The four year old thought to himself. Sadly, Sasori was quickly interrupted by a familiar voice. "Hey Akasuna! Worried about the class photo?" The voice called. Sasori looked up only to meet eyes with the child that made his life a living hell.

Mikio Tsuneo.

"Well...Kinda..." Sasori shyly replied. He was never good at speaking to people.

"Worried about not fitting in?" Tsuneo smirked.

"Uh huh..." Sasori mumbled sadly. Just the reply Tsuneo wanted.

"Well I know how to make you fit in perfectly..." Tsuneo whispered.

"How exa-" Sasori was interrupted by one of Tsuneo's friends who had just handed Tsuneo a large bucket. Sasori stared at Tsuneo with his wide, hazel brown eyes. Tsuneo smirked evilly and chucked the bucket over the smaller boy. Unfortunately for Sasori, the bucket was full of freezing cold water. Immediately Tsuneo and all of his friends started laughing while Sasori's large eyes filled themselves with tears.

After the laughter died down, Tsuneo stared thoughtfully at Sasori and smirked again. "Hmm...Well it seems Sensei was wrong, Flame-Brain, Your hair stayed the same stupid colour...It's ok though...No need to cry my _friend_, I have another plan..." Tsuneo chuckled. Sasori's eyes widened.

"N-no!" Sasori was about to run away but was pulled down by Tsuneo's much larger friends.

"It's ok Rusty...This won't hurt a bit..." Tsuneo pulled a pair of small scissors from his back pocket.

Sasori started to cry even more. Was he going to cut him? Tsuneo walked closer towards the red-haired boy and smiled. Sasori was held down on his stomach while Tsuneo smiled and bent down next to him. "Snip, Snip, Snip, Mini-Inferno!" Tsuneo chuckled while holding the scissors closer to Sasori's hair.

_Snip_

Tsuneo had cut a large chunk of Sasori's hair and laughed as it blew away with the soft wind.

_Snip_

Tsuneo cut another large chunk of Sasori's hair and laughed as he watched the poor boy sobb.

_Sn-_

"Owwwwww!" Tsuneo screamed and held his right hand close to his chest. Just as he was about to cut out a third piece of Sasori's hair the small boy had lifted his head up and bit Tsuneo on the hand. _Hard_.

Miss Ayane came running out of the class room. "Tsuneo! What happened?" She screamed as she held the child's hand close to her, checking it over and noticing a large bite-mark near the child's thumb.

"Sensei...I-it was Sasori-kun...H-he started cutting his h-hair off...I-i tried to stop him! But he poured water all over h-himself for no reason and started..._biting _me!" Tsuneo screamed as the teacher took him too the medical room.

Sasori stood in the the exact same spot that the Tsuneohad humiliated him. A stray tear fell from his hazel brown eyes.

_**~1 hour later~**_

"So you're saying...Sasori was cutting his _own _hair off and the child that has been bullying him ever since he _started _Kindergarten tried to stop him from doing it...So Sasori then decided to randomlypour a bucket of _freezing cold _water over his head...And _bite _Tsuneo?" Chiyo slowly said to the head of the Kindergarten school with much venom in her voice.

"Well...Yes bu-" The head mistress was interrupted by Chiyo again.

"But what? Sasori suddenly decided to go completely _rabid _on the child? Yes because Sasori is a very violentand loudchild, Isn't he?" She drawled sarcastically.

"Maybe Sasori had to let out his feelings...I highly suggest counci-"

"No! Don't you _dare _say my Grandson needs that! He's been through enough recently and I doubt having a complete stranger making you talk about your feelings and play with little dollys will do the trick! I know my own Grandson and I believe he would never do anything like hurting another child! Do not expect Sasori to be returning to this despicable school!" Chiyo yelled as she stormed out the the room.

"Your father was always bullied in school about his hair colour. Before it got too bad I pulled him out of school and taught him myself...How could I have been so foolish and ignored this! I would have to do the same for You, Sasori..." Chiyo said to her small Grandson and glanced at his new hairstyle. Sasori had three large bald patches located on different parts of his scalp. How could another child do something so terrible?

As the two walked away, Three young children were watching. Kazuko, Osamu and Tsuneo. Tsuneo was smiling to himself and thinking about how great his plan was...Thankfully,the little bastard was interrupted by a kick in the face by Kazuko "You're mean!" She yelled and stormed off. Osamu stared down at the now bleeding face of Tsuneo. He then smiled and stomped on his nose. "Why are you suck a jerk?" He hissed and followed Kazuko.

_**You have full permission to kick that little bastard 'Tsuneo' in the face...Or elsewhere if you wish. I couldn't really think of a one-shot for Sasori, As I didn't want to just re-write what was said in the Anime and Manga. I hope I'm not the only one who notice that Sasori and Gaara are like the only main red-heads in Suna xD And Gaara wasn't even alive when Sasori was four...So yeah, That's pretty much what inspired me to write this chapter . Anyway, Please review!**_


	3. Itachi's Childhood!

_**Hello! It's Boxing Day and I'm bored -.- I was going to update on the 28th but I just got back from town and I need to write something! So anyway here's Itachi's childhood, I'm going to write about the night he became a big brother! Sasori's childhood was rather dark so this one will be a humor fic...Well, hopefully :D**_

Four year-old Uchiha Itachi was sitting with his legs crossed on the wooden floor. At the moment he was thinking. Which was nothing strange.

Something was wrong with Itachi's mother. For the past 2 months she has been acting really weird...Every morning she would vomit. She has also been getting really angry and she wouldn't play tag with him anymore.

Something was really, really wrong.

'It's time to do something about this!" Itachi stated out loud. The toddler stood up and set off to find his Mother. "She's usually in the kitchen..." The raven haired boy thought to himself.

As usual, Itachi was right. There stood his mother, In the kitchen, Washing the dishes. "This all seems fine...Yet why was her personality so different?" Itachi thought to himself.

The small boy tip-toed up to his occupied mother and gently tugged on her beige apron. The female Uchiha jumped slightly and stared down at the small boy, Looking slightly angry. Well, That was a lie...She looked very angry.

"Itachi! What do you think you're doing? Sneaking up on me like that!" There was defiantly something wrong with his Mother. She never got that angry. Itachi had never seen her angry, If his Mother were to disappear for 10 years he would remember her for her happy and calm personality...Not her violent and angry personality...  
>"Sorry mother...I was just wonderi-"<br>"Wondering what? Wondering what would happen if you snuck up on me?" Mikoto hissed at the frightened child.  
>"No Mother...I just wanted to see what was wrong with you..." Itachi calmly said.<br>"...What do you mean?" Mikoto whispered.

"You keep shouting and getting angry, You won't play games with me anymore and you keep vomiting every night..." Itachi plainly said to the raven haired woman. Mikoto's eyes went wide. She had to tell him.

"Well you see...How would you feel about having a new baby brother or sister?" Mikoto lightly smiled.  
>"A baby brother or sister? Why are you asking that?" Itachi asked with his dark eyes wide.<br>"Well...In about 7 months time your going to be an older brother" Mikoto smiled and waited for a response from her young son.  
>"...What do you mean?" Itachi plainly replied. Mikoto was expecting a much better reply. Such as 'Oh wow I can't wait!' or even a 'How did that happen', Although knowing Itachi, He probably already knew where babies came from.<br>"I mean...In 7 months time. Me and your father are going to have a baby" Mikoto smiled and waited for another response.  
>"So...That's why father is getting fat..." Itachi thought out loud. Mikoto burst out laughing.<br>"No Itachi...When I say 'Me and your father are going to have a baby' I mean your father is going to become a father for the second time...If that makes sense..." Mikoto giggled.  
>"That makes sense mother..." Itachi simply replied.<br>'He's only four yet he thinks like a man...' Mikoto thought to herself. "'Then again...He is an Uchiha...' She added.  
>"Mother? Your spacing out..." Itachi pointed out to the female. Mikoto snapped out of thought and smiled warmly at her young Son.<br>"Sorry Itachi, I was just thinking...Anyway, Would you like to be an older brother?" Mikoto asked.  
>"Will you get fat?" Itachi simply replied.<br>"Yes, I will get rather large" Mikoto said.  
>"Then no" Itachi quickly answered.<br>"What's wrong with me getting large?" Mikoto snapped, her hormones were obviously kicking in.  
>"You will look ugly" Itachi stated.<br>"That's extremely stereotypical, Itachi. Just because people are large doesn't mean that they are ugly. Personally I believe everyone is beautiful in their own way" Mikoto smiled, hoping she had taught her son a lesson.  
>"...I'm telling father" The raven haired boy stated.<br>"Nani?" Mikoto yelled.  
>"You find everyone beautiful...Uchiha's are not suppose to cheat. Then again, I am loyal to my clan. Just don't do it again mother" Itachi closed his eyes and crossed his arms.<p>

Smart ass kid.

**~7 months, 3 Days, 5 Hours, 24 Minutes, 27 Seconds Later~ **

Itachi woke up to muffled voices coming from his parents bedroom. "What on earth is going on?" He thought to himself.

Itachi managed to make out the words 'baby' and 'now' coming from down the hallway.  
>Sensing something was wrong, Itachi made his way to his parents large bedroom and knocked lightly on the large oak door. "Mother? Father? Is everything ok?" Itachi asked. Suddenly the door opened, revealing Itachi's father, Fugaku. "Itachi...Well...In a few hours your going to be an older brother..." Itachi's eyes went wide. He was going to be an older brother. His Mother and Father had been reminding him this all through his Mothers pregnancy.<p>

After about 2 minutes of thinking, Fugaku took Itachi to the backyard and told him to train. Mikoto was to give birth in the house, like she did with Itachi. So it was best if the raven haired boy stayed outside while the birth took place.  
>"He didn't tell me what type of Jutsu I should practice..." Itachi thought out loud.<br>"I'm sure father won't mind if I quickly go inside to get a book...It would be best to ask him first though..." Itachi said to himself.

The small boy managed to quietly make his way into the large house. Extremely loud screams were heard from his parents bedroom. Sometimes at night Itachi could hear loud moans coming from his parents bedroom, But these ones were much loader.

Itachi was very loyal to his Father and he would never do something wrong without telling him. So it was only right if the young boy told his father that he was quickly getting a book. Louder screaming could be heard outside Fugaku and Mikoto's bedroom. 'Having a baby isn't that bad, is it?' Itachi thought to himself. 'All you do is press your belly button and the baby will come out straight away..." He added. With no warning what-so ever, Itachi slammed open his parent's bedroom door, Only too find his Mother looking extremely sweaty and tired, laying on the bed. His father was kneeling down next to her, holding her hand. Itachi also noticed two strange women in aprons rushing around and saying strange words like 'Dilated' and '10 centimeters'.

As soon as Fugaku noticed the intruder he stood up and quickly rushed him out. "Itachi! What do you think you're doing? I told you to train!" Fugaku hissed at the young boy.  
>"I was just going to tell you if I could get a book from the library..." Itachi softly said. Fugaku sighed.<br>"Ok, just be quick. Your Mother is in labor and I don't want to miss the birth of your new brother or sister" Fugaku said while taking the young boy to the household's library. Unfortunately, Itachi took hours too pick books. Then again, It also took hours for women to give birth...Well, Most of the time anyway.

**~2 Hours Later~ **

"Itachi, Hurry up! I want to get back to my wife!" Fugaku yelled at the small boy.  
>"Father, A book is more important then a baby" Itachi simply replied<br>"What? That's ridiculous! How can a book be more important than a baby?" Fugaku hissed.  
>"You can play and dress up a baby but you can't read it. As for a book, you can dress up and play with it as much as you want, and for a bonus, It won't ever cry. You can also read it, so Father, I present you with your newborn son" Itachi smirked a bit and handed Fugaku a very heavy and dusty book. "It may be a little fat...It is your son after all though..." Itachi picked up a dark green book and quickly walked out of the library.<p>

Fugaku stood there, dumbfounded. He had just been messed with but a 5 year old. "Mr Uchiha, Mr Uchiha! We can see the head, The child will be here any minute now!" One of the midwifes who had just entered the library yelled. "What? But Mikoto's only been in labor for 2 hours!" Fugaku yelled.  
>"2 hours and a half actually but the child was just very eager to get out and say hello!" The midwife cheerfully said "Now come" She added.<p>

**~10 Minutes Later~ **

"Itachi..." Itachi looked up and met eyes with his father.  
>"Yes, father?" Itachi responded.<br>"Come and meet your new brother..."  
>"What?" Itachi yelled as he dashed into his parent's room. On the bed was Mikoto looking very tired, smiling down at a blue bundle in her arms.<br>"Itachi..." Mikoto smiled "Come and meet Sasuke" Itachi frowned.  
>"Sasuke? After the Hokage?" Itachi asked. Mikoto smiled and nodded.<br>Itachi slowly walked over towards the bed and climbed on. The small boy leaned forward to have a look at his new baby brother. All he could see under the blue blanket was a squishy looking pink face and lots of black hair.  
>"Ew! It's ugly!" Itachi pulled back and frowned.<br>"Itachi how could you say such a thing? He's beautiful! You looked exactly like him when you were a baby!" Mikoto smiled slightly but the frown on Itachi's face stayed.  
>"I looked like that? I highly doubt that mother. I am beautiful" Itachi smirked and put his left hand on his small chest. Mikoto giggled.<br>"Itachi, You wait a few years and I'm sure Sasuke will be as pretty as you are today" Mikoto stroked Sasuke's pink face.  
>"I doubt that..." Itachi mumbled, luckily not loud enough for Mikoto to hear.<p>

Suddenly Fugaku entered the large room and stood over the three Uchiha's.  
>"He will be a strong Uchiha" Fugaku proudly stated.<br>"...He may be strong but he won't be pretty if you ask me..." Itachi stated.  
>"What do you mean by that?" Fugaku asked, getting slightly angry.<br>"Well...He certainly look like you father...So when he's older, I doubt the results will be very pretty..." Itachi said. Mikoto frowned while Fugaku glared at his first born.  
>"Say that again Itachi...I dare you" Fugaku said, getting angrier.<br>"I'm just saying that the kid is ugly, like you. I told you that you're better off getting a nice book" Itachi hopped off the bed and left Fugaku looking extremely angry.

_**I'm sorry but I think Fugaku is a dick. I have never liked him. Oh and when Itachi called Sasuke 'ugly' he didn't mean it...Well he did, but most newborns are born all pink and wrinkly so he couldn't have been too cute... Anyway, I'm glad that I have finally finished this Childhood. You don't have to review if you don't want too, Just no flames please :P**_


	4. Kisame's Childhood!

_**...I haven't updated it a while...Joke XD...I haven't updated in forever! I have run out of lame excuses T.T So im just going to tell the truth and admit that I am lazy -.- Anyway...Here is Kisame's childhood...Yay. Oh and I didn't have a clue what to write about for Kisame's childhood so alphabet soup99 came up with this idea. I just wrote it, So please thank her for this awesome plot^^**_

_Three weeks. Three whole weeks Hoshigaki Kisame spent sitting in an uncomfortable bed in a plain, boring room. No, This room was not in his house. No, This room was part of a hotel. This room was neither of them. This room was in 'The Official Hospital Of Kirigakure For The Mentally Ill And Disfigured' Or for short 'TOHOKFTMIAD' Or for shorter use 'Some place where they dump freaks'._

_So why exactly was Kisame here? Two words. Blue skin. _

_Three weeks ago Kisame was sitting in his room and planning a trip to visit Sea World, until suddenly a group of men stormed in and dragged him off towards a big, tall and scary-looking building. Let's just say that it was not fun at all._

_So here the 14 year-old Kisame was. Sitting in bed and grumbling to himself about how unlucky and bad his life was. Sort of like a Mary-Sue, Who was sitting in the unwanted ward. Minus the 'Stunning beauty' and 'Body like a goddess'._

_A highly attractive nurse walked into the room. She was wearing a short, white dress that stopped at her upper-thigh. Her glossy blonde hair stopped at her shoulders and her pouty lips broke into a smile. In her hands was a shiny silver dish which held a huge, mouth-watering pile of shrimps and crab. "Kisame, You handsome man! I brought you some food...Shrimp and crab" The nurse winked while setting the food aside and picking up a single shrimp. "Open wide..." She cooed as she sat on the ninja's lap. Kisame smirked and opened his large mouth. Just as the nurse was about to place the shrimp in Kisame's mouth a- _

"Hoshigaki, Food!" A large...No, Huge, woman with a scaly looking face stormed into the room and dumped a pathetic excuse of a bowl onto the ninja's lap. Kisame winced at the heat of the bowl and looked into it. "What the hell is this?" Kisame pointed towards the bowl. It contained a yellow coloured substance with several small chunks, Resembling vomit. "Shark fin soup" The grotesque nurse smirked and dropped a large spoon into the bowl. "Eat up, Maggot" Spat the nurse as she walked out of the room.

Kisame glared at the door and then inside the bowl. "Gross" Was all he could say. The blue-skinned ninja sighed and dropped the bowl on the floor, Carelessly letting it smash. "I'm getting out of this shit- hole" He muttered to himself as he searched around his room for any pointy object. After all, He had to pick the lock. "Why is this place so bare?" Kisame yelled to himself dumbly. "Oh yeah...This place is full of suicidal people...Wait a minute..." Kisame had an idea. A very good idea. He knew the drama classes he recently took would come in handy...

Kisame got down on his hands and knees. "Oh, Cruel world! Why? Why me! I have nothing to live for! Oh!" The ninja put a hand over his face and smashed the security camera. Suddenly, A red light in his room started to flash and an annoying beeping sound started to cry. "Alert! Alert! Suicidal Alert! Room 35, Section B, Floor three! Alert!" Kisame grinned and hid behind the door and waited until the beastly nurse came rushing in.

Ten minutes later Kisame was still waiting for the nurse to come through the floor. "Ugh, What's taking that bitch so long? I could be dead by now!" Kisame growled as he smashed his blue fist against the wall, Creating a large hole...Kisame had been waiting for the nurse to come through the door so he could knock her out, Steal one of her hairpins and use it to unlock the door...Or he could just knock her out and walk through the door. Sighing, The ninja slipped through the hole and walked towards the lift. After pressing the button and waiting for a few seconds, Kisame grew bored. "What's taking it so long?" He growled. Suddenly, A ping sound was heard and the lift doors opened. Kisame was about to step in but he quickly came to his senses and noticed that the lift was at least a meter lower than usual and he could barely slip into it. The ninja peeped into the small space, Only seeing his overweight nurse repeatedly pressing the buttons and cussing. "Work, You piece of crap!" She screeched. "Maximum weight detected. Please remove at least two people" The machine replied, Only making the nurse angrier. Kisame laughed lightly and walked towards the stairs, It was the only other way down.

After rushing down the flight of stairs, Kisame came to the bottom floor. All he could see was some patients, A woman at the desk, The door leading outside, Tables an- Wait. The door leading outside? "Jackpot!" The ninja sprinted towards the double doors, Only to be stopped by a loud voice. "Stop right there!" It boomed. Kisame came to a halt and slowly turned around.  
>"Yes?" Just then, Kisame met eyes with a tanned man in a dark suit and sunglasses.<br>"You don't belong in this ward" The man simply said. Kisame grinned, Finally! Someone understood that he wasn't crazy! "Really? Thank you! I knew that someone would understand!" The ninja grinned and rushed over to the man in the suit. "No, You definitely do not belong here...I'm sending you to a place where you will finally be reunited with your own people..." Then, Everything went blank.

**3 HOURS LATER **

Kisame opened his round eyes, Only to be met with bright blue sky. "Ughhh...I feel so...Where am...I?"  
>"You're where you belong, Kid" He heard the man in the suit say.<br>"Where I belong? You mean back home? In Kirigakure? Thank you!" Kisame stood up and looked around for the man in the black suit...Except, he couldn't see him.

The Kirigakure ninja's eyes only met with bright green grass, Bright blue sky and...Mushroom huts? "Hello, Brother! Welcome to the village!" Called an unknown voice.  
>"Huh? Who's there?" Kisame called.<br>"Down here, Brother!" He heard the voice call again. Eventually, Kisame sensed the voice coming from down below. Kisame gasped at what his eyes met. All he could say was...

What. The. Fuck.

Right next to Kisame stood a tiny man with a red hat, white beard and- No, This was not Santa Claus...Only because...This creature had blue skin.  
>"What the hell are you supposed to be?" Kisame asked with his eyes wide open.<br>"I am just like you, Brother! A smurf!" The little man grinned and did an annoying little skip.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

_**Aha...I don't even know T.T I ruined alphabet soup99's awesome plot by adding a random man in a suit, A fat nurse and Papa smurf -_- **_


	5. Hidan's Childhood!

_**Hello! Kill me now :D Yes, I know making more excuses about my late updating wont help...*sigh* Just kick me in the face again :P Anyway, A special thanks to the awesome writer who used to be 'alphabet soup99' But is now 'Imortal souls are always dark' for giving me this awesome plot! She has a great imagination :'D Anyway, Please enjoy^^ **_

"N-no! Please, Don't! No, Not my fingers! Ahh-"  
>"Shut the fuck up you whiny little bitch!"<br>Hidan was at it again. Pervy images going through your mind right now? Sadly, This was not what was going on. No, Hidan was, Once again...Cutting off a child's fingers...With a spoon. This was a weekly basis for the 15 year old Yugakure-nin.

"Ahhh, No it hurts! Please stop!" The 8 year old child screamed, His eyes were now extremely bloodshot and filled with large tears.

"Well, Shut the fuck up and maybe I will do this quicker! I have already cut three of them off, Only two more to go!" Hidan burst out laughing and pressed the spoon harder into the boys hanging flesh to make him scream more.

"Please, What did I ever do to you!" The boy sobbed harder. Hidan gave him an angry look.

"Do you remember last Halloween? You were the little brat that threw eggs at my mother, And now you must pay! By cutting off your fingers I know that you would never throw eggs again in your life...Or anything else!" Hidan suddenly started laughing mentally again, Which just made the boy more frightened.

"Please, Just spare me! I promise to never do anything like that again, Just dont kill me!" The boy attempted to squirm away but was held down by Hidan.

"I never said anything about killing you...But if you insist!" Hidan gave a cocky grin and shoved the spoon right down the child's throat, Leaving him to cry and squirm until blood came seeping out of his mouth and he stopped moving completely.

"That will teach you not to mess with my mother..." Hidan spat and walked away, Leaving the corpse to rot in the woods.

**~1 HOUR LATER~ **

"Mother, I'm home!" Hidan walked through the door to his small house and carefully closed it.

"There you are, Honey. I thought something happened to you!" Hidan's Mother, Suri smiled sweetly and hugged her son.

"I'm sorry that I got you worried, Mother" Hidan said as he looked down at his feet. His Mother smiled.

"Aww, Dont be sorry, Honey. Cheer up, I made your favourite!" Suri smiled and made her way into the small kitchen and was followed by her smiling son. Hidan gasped.

"Ribs?" He asked hopefully.

"Yep! Don't eat them too quickly though, I don't want my little boy to get a tummy ache!" Suri pinched Hidan's pale cheeks playfully and received a loving smile.

"Thank you, Mother!" Hidan bowed and sat at the wooden table.

"You don't have to bow to me all the time, Honey. It's not good for your back..." Suri rubbed her son's back soothingly and set a large plate of juicy ribs in front of her son. "Dig in!" She chanted joyfully.

"Thank you!" Hidan grinned and quickly started munching on the ribs while his Mother giggled.  
>Hidan looked up towards Suri which made her giggle even more.<br>"Whash swo fwunney?" Hidan asked between bites.  
>"Your face, Honey. Its covered is barbeque sauce!" Suri giggled and pulled out a napkin to clean Hidan's face.<p>

Just as she was about to wipe the barbeque sauce of Hidan's face, Suri was interrupted by a loud knock on the door.

"Now who could that be?" She asked herself and Hidan.

"I'll get it!" Hidan quickly said, Scared that someone had seen and reported what he had done earlier.

"No it's ok, Honey. You carry on eating, I'll get the door..." Suri left the room, Leaving an extremely worried Hidan.

All the silver haired ninja could hear were muffled voices.

"Crap...What if someone saw me..."

"Will I go to prison?"

"I'm going to be locked away forever!"

"No, I'm only 15! I'm too young to die!"

"Everyone is going to hate me!"

"Mother is going to be so upset!"

"Noooooooo!"

"Hidan, What's wrong?" Suri asked. She had came back into the room only to find her son with his eye's wide open and his face full of fear.

Hidan jumped slightly.

"Oh, Nothing! Who was that at the door?" Hidan asked.

"Hm? Oh, Just some people asking me to join their weird religion...Jashinist's they call themselves, Extremely weird..." Suri looked outside the window and watched the Jashinist's walk away.

"What's wrong, Hidan? You look as if you have done something like cut off a child's fingers with a spoon" Hidan went a sickly pale colour and gulped. Suri burst out laughing,

"Ahaha, Me and my imagination! Hidan, What's wrong?" Suri lightly tapped her son.

"Nothing Mother...I think I need some fresh air though, I ate the ribs to quickly again!" Hidan sprinted outside and ran as fast as he could.

"Where can I go now? Wait...What did them people call themselves again? Jashinist's...Sounds good enough to me!"

_**Hidan, You naughty little boy! Cutting off people's fingers with spoons! Yeah, I was kind of scared of myself when I wrote that part...I always write in weird bit's. Like Hidan cutting off that boys fingers and killing him, Being a suck up to his mother, Finding the Jashinists...T.T I have problems...**__**  
><strong>_


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